3rd
who am i?
I am 35 years old, and I feel like I should have some sort of sense of self about me by this point.
I feel like I tried to please so many other people in my younger years, before I became to like myself, and after trying to please so many other people for so long, I feel a bit lost.
Like I do not know who I am. I am not passionate about anything really….
I like certain things and have preferences and such…but other people seem to be really into A or really into B…..I am not really into anything at all.
Do I need to develop more hobbies?
Do I need to fake it til I make it?
This planet both surprises me and depresses me.
I think I hold the world on my shoulders….and why?
What am I going to possibly do to change the world?
I am so apathetic sometimes I can’t even change myself.
But I feel so guilty for taking a long shower, (some people don’t even have running water), for leaving food on my plate, (some people are starving), for having a place to live, (while others have no shelther at all).
I feel guilty for feeling depressed, as many people in the world are way worse off than me, what gives me the right to complain? I have food, shelter and clothing.
That does not make a whole person I realize…
I wish I could just do things without feeling guilty about doing it or the impact it will have on the environment, etc.
Perhaps I am just neurotic.
Perhaps I am still depressed.
Perhaps I was not meant to be in this world at all….
